‘Diversity creates healthy tribes. And a healthy tribe gives your life resiliency. And richness and flavor. Find your tribe. Love them hard. ‘
I think about my ‘tribe’ and my village so much. I wonder what my life would look like without them. And let me just say it would not look good. And I want to start by saying I feel so strongly that every person should have their village. And if you don’t find it! My tribe has been able to see when I’m starting to become manic even when I can’t. They’ve been able to show up and love me hard. They’ve been able to show up for my four little ones and love them hard. They’ve been able to bring me food. They’ve been a safe place to lean IN. They’ve been able to tell me the truth. They’ve pushed me to be better. They’ve never, ever made me feel less than or not worthy. They’ve pushed me towards my God. They’ve pushed me to be better AND to love me through that. They’ve made me laugh, they’ve helped me see the glass half full rather than the glass half empty. They have most certainly made me a better person, a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, a better sister, and a better daughter. And for this I am so forever grateful. I have found that having a village when you have mental illness is so, so important. Truly it makes such a big difference. And the best part is… I also get to be this for them when they need it. These people have truly saved my life and I’m so grateful for that. So, my point? Find YOUR tribe. Love them hard. Let them in on your treatment plan. And let them help, even when it seems hard. Let them do for you what you cannot do for yourself.
‘Owning your story is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.’ – Brene Brown
This. This is so true. Owning your story is healing in so many ways. But also terrifying. As I sit here typing this out (I haven’t blogged here in years) I am thinking about how much has changed. Within my family, my business (surprise I own a business now) and with my health and awareness. Let me start by also saying that I am only one and a half weeks out of a severe manic/manic psychosis episode. Things are incredibly raw right now, though I am healing. And I’m so grateful for that. I want to start with some basics…
First, Bipolar type 1 (the type I have) does NOT discriminate, in fact no mental illness does. I am a mama to four beautiful children, I live in my dream home in Northern VA, I’m blessed with a supportive and loving husband and family and I generally have a life that I love and have worked hard for. And yet, I still have Bipolar. I was first diagnosed as a teenager and have been hospitalized more than once for mania (four times). This is something I struggle with…. Recently I swung into a manic episode that lasted abut 2.5 weeks, thank God my mother came into town and helped and that my husband was aware of what was going on. I am currently on correct dosages of medications and plan to stay on them, though I also know that that doesn’t mean another manic episode or depressive episode will happen again. I guess I’m saying all of this to say, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Which is maybe something I really need to hear right now.
So. Where does that leave me and my family now? Well, we are navigating these waters the best we can. We are picking up the broken pieces and gluing them back together. I am seeing my doctors regularly, including therapy, and I am practicing self care. This means early bedtimes, take my medications and NOT missing a dose. This means being loving and kind and trying to heal wounds caused by my words and actions while I was manic. It means that things just seem really, raw and scary right now. This means being gentle with myself and showing up the best I can. It means loving on my littles and feeling grateful. It means practicing self care. It means taking a step back from things and it means talking to friends I trust and being open about what’s going. And I’m ok with that.
I will be back soon with more thoughts and what this life is like. Today, I am grateful!