‘Owning your story is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.’ – Brene Brown
This. This is so true. Owning your story is healing in so many ways. But also terrifying. As I sit here typing this out (I haven’t blogged here in years) I am thinking about how much has changed. Within my family, my business (surprise I own a business now) and with my health and awareness. Let me start by also saying that I am only one and a half weeks out of a severe manic/manic psychosis episode. Things are incredibly raw right now, though I am healing. And I’m so grateful for that. I want to start with some basics…
First, Bipolar type 1 (the type I have) does NOT discriminate, in fact no mental illness does. I am a mama to four beautiful children, I live in my dream home in Northern VA, I’m blessed with a supportive and loving husband and family and I generally have a life that I love and have worked hard for. And yet, I still have Bipolar. I was first diagnosed as a teenager and have been hospitalized more than once for mania (four times). This is something I struggle with…. Recently I swung into a manic episode that lasted abut 2.5 weeks, thank God my mother came into town and helped and that my husband was aware of what was going on. I am currently on correct dosages of medications and plan to stay on them, though I also know that that doesn’t mean another manic episode or depressive episode will happen again. I guess I’m saying all of this to say, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Which is maybe something I really need to hear right now.
So. Where does that leave me and my family now? Well, we are navigating these waters the best we can. We are picking up the broken pieces and gluing them back together. I am seeing my doctors regularly, including therapy, and I am practicing self care. This means early bedtimes, take my medications and NOT missing a dose. This means being loving and kind and trying to heal wounds caused by my words and actions while I was manic. It means that things just seem really, raw and scary right now. This means being gentle with myself and showing up the best I can. It means loving on my littles and feeling grateful. It means practicing self care. It means taking a step back from things and it means talking to friends I trust and being open about what’s going. And I’m ok with that.
I will be back soon with more thoughts and what this life is like. Today, I am grateful!